Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Monday already?

So…

I went… and it was every bit as bad as I imagined it would be. My dad pretty much looked like a skelton covered with skin. I sat as long as I could but really… there wasn’t much I could do. Tried to wake him a few times but he was unresponsive so I mostly let him sleep. I talked to him a bit and then headed home.

I’ve had a pretty stressful few days… and in three weeks i leave for 10 weeks. I’m not ready… mentally, emotionally… i’m just not ready. My support system is in DC and I’m leaving… but it’ll make me stronger in the long run… right?

I think i’m gonna get some more ink done in San Fran. It’s amazing how theraputic the whole process is to me. It’s a safer alternative to what i did in the past. Yes… I was a cutter. That whole shit seems so long ago.. but the rush that used to come over me when the pain would hit was oddly calming… I think the psych said it had to do with being in control of the pain instead of being at the mercy of someone else.

You know… sometimes I worry about making this blog too personal. I know friends, acquaintances, enemies, coworkers, family members, etc read this… Maybe eventually I’ll pull the “fun” stuff away from the private stuff.. but that’s just it… I don’t consider my life to be private. Of course there’s stuff that I wouldn’t ever put here, but I feel like all the other stuff gives like background info on who I am and why I am. If it makes people uncomfortable maybe that’s a good thing… who knows. Either way, I can only be who I am… and quite frankly, I like me.

2 Responses to “Monday already?”

  1. You post got me thinking again in how fragile life can make us feel in circumstances like this. Try to at least find a positive outcome on things on the short and long term. It is part of the cycle of everything, some go and other stay behind to keep on doing the things that will come along. But sad and never easy to prepare our minds and hearts for the inevitable. My thoughts are with your dad and specially you, even though we are total strangers, sometimes it can makes us feel better that other actually are sharing a little of our pain.

    Hope, you can make control of everything.

  2. My thoughts are with you and your fam, yo…
    Stay strong.


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