Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

The last time my dad was in the hospital I was in high school.  He had two brain tumors removed and I put off seeing him for the longest time.  When I finally went he was fine… but I still cried.  I imagine that today will be a million times worse than that.  My understanding is that he’s in the bed with all types of tubes and whatnot.  His hands are restrained so he can’t pull anything out.  He won’t open his eyes.  He isn’t able to speak coherently.  I don’t want to see that.

Is that selfish?  Yes.  But it’s the truth.  I can do hospitals when there’s a baby involved because that’s a happy time… but death and sadness?  not so much.  I don’t even know how long I’m supposed to stay.  My mom and sisters have gone over there for hours… I don’t know if I can do that.  I don’t know what to say or what to do and it hurts.  I wish we knew when he was getting out.  Then again, if i knew that I would put off going to see him.  I’m gonna do my best today.  I’m sure i’ll be a blubbering mess within 2 minutes of walking in the door.