Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

My Dad Passed Away This Morning

At about 8:20am… as I was getting picked up from the airport and trying to brace myself to see him for what I feared was the last time. B took the long way home… thru the park and the shade of the trees… just a calm and serene ride… and then when I got home I found out. And i was crushed and sad… and also relieved. Relieved because he was at peace and I could be at peace with his peace. I hated that he’d had so many blood transfusions… hated that cancer was eating away at his body… hated that the man who had always done so much for me was laying there helpless and I was unable to do anything for him.

The last conversation with my dad where that I would actually call a conversation was about school and the ever-present question “you aren’t finished *yet*” and i laffed… because he’s been asking me this for years… and later that night I went home and cried because I knew he’d never hear me say “yes” to that question.

There are a lot of things that I did not accomplish in my father’s lifetime… and to a certain degree that hurts. I try not to look at those things as regrets because i know i will accomplish them… i just hate that he isn’t here to see it and to know that I will be ok. That his “baby dumpling” is taking care of herself and is finally finishing school.

I’m doing better than I thought I would be. I have an amazing support system that I had apparently underestimated and I am grateful. It’s gonna be awhile before it all sinks in. Bear with me.

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