Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.


I guess I’m talking about it publicly now…

The husband and I are scheduled to have a baby in January… It feels weird even typing that… i’ve been extremely cautious with what i say in public because people are extremely judgy… and there are few things that i hate more than being  judged.

I would say that the most interesting thing to me thus far has been the “advice” i’ve gotten from men.  When we first made our announcement to family i was told that we weren’t supposed to tell anyone til 12 or 13 weeks… my gut reaction was “who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can’t tell people”… but i chilled out and calmly tried to explain that while there are lots of couples that choose to wait because so many things can happen in the first semester, we decided that now was a good time… he didn’t seem to get it so i just smiled politely.  I’ve been told that this being (henceforth referred to as “the Dictator”) is indeed a male and fortunately this means that i will never have to worry about a penis being in my child… *blink*  That one left me speechless for so many reasons… First off, as a woman who enjoys sex, I would hope that (some day) my child will have a healthy sex life, and if that includes penises (penii?) so be it.  Second, the Dictator’s gender has little to do with his/her proclivity for penis.  Third, what the fuck kind of shit is that to even say?

I just had someone welcome me to “the greatest club ever”… *looks at the camera*  So let’s get one thing clear.  I think it’s awesome that I’m pregnant.  I’m interested in some day meeting this person and seeing whatever the man upstairs has in store for the dictator.  But i don’t consider this some exclusive accomplishment or something that sets me above everyone else… For the past couple of years I have spent a great deal of time trying to come to terms with the fact that I might not ever be able to have my own child… the idea that I was somehow less than or excluded from this “club” because of that potential fact is probably the most annoying thing ever. I promise you that I understand the importance of reproduction.  I know why we need to procreate.  But, while i acknowledge the miracle that is reproduction, I don’t really think it’s any sort of status symbol or exclusive club or whatever… i mean there are parents who kill their children, parents who sexually abuse their kids… are they part of this exclusive club too?  There are childless people that do all sorts of amazing things for all of society… are they somehow an outcast?

I admit that I almost feel bad about my view on this impending motherhood… I don’t gush or fawn like other people seem to do.  I’m happy… i truly am, but i don’t want to talk about it all the time.  i don’t want people touching my stomach… i HATE when people touch me… i don’t like the idea of picking out names… i don’t like the idea that there’s a human growing inside me… it’s just all very odd to me.  I hate that i have a constant need to preface/disclaim all this with how grateful i am… i dunno.. this will be an interesting journey to say the least.

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