Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

When "sorry" isn’t enough

Sometimes “sorry” doesn’t cut it. I mean sometimes it isn’t enough to say “I’m sorry.” The thing about “sorry” is that the person you say it to doesn’t have to accept it and even if they chose to forgive, they don’t have to forget. I’m scared that my “sorry” won’t be enough this time.

Knowing that I have hurt someone I care about hurts… and that’s putting it mildly. Seeing tears fall from that person’s eyes makes me physically ill… and all i could do is say “i’m sorry.” I couldn’t even begin to put into words how much that angers me. I would do anything to be able to reverse those actions and protect the feelings that i so recklessly trampled on… but i can’t. All i can say is two words that really don’t mean shit. Unfortunately, at this point, I am at a loss. I mean what more can i do? There aren’t enough words… there aren’t enough ways to express sorry and so, i have to just accept what i did. I have to accept the feeling of complete helplessness and the fact that i can never again make that right.

The thing that hurts the most though is that, i might not ever be able to overcome this. The hurt that lead me to act so foolishly is something i am forced to deal with. That hurt has dulled somewhat, but it’s still there. I’m mostly angry… angry that i did something so stupid, angry that i let myself get angry enough to behave so foolishly and angry that i am so helpless to do anything to fix this mess.

I need to find a way to forgive myself for this. From there all i can do is hope and pray that i will be forgiven and that “i’m sorry” can at least be enough to start the healing process.

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