Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

I Haven’t Stopped Drinking

I’m actually not sure why… well yes i know why… i don’t want to stop drinking. I like drinking. I suppose this type of behavior is a bit self-destructive… and yet it’s typical monica. In my mind, if i’m getting bloodwork done every 3 weeks or so, I’ll know before my liver is done… mmhmm… but if i can’t stop/ won’t stop now with the threat looming, what makes me think i’ll suddenly stop when the threat is more “real”?

The truth of the matter is I’m concerned about myself. I’m doing a lot of stuff i shouldn’t, and not enough of the stuff I’m supposed to do. I’m frustrated with myself and yet I’m not bothered enough to do better. Without sounding any alarms or anything I must say I’m just tired of trying. I just want to be healthy. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being sick. I want to go hang out with friends. I want to live without being reminded that i’m dying.

This is way more emo than i intended, but i just had to get some stuff out of my brain.

4 Responses to “I Haven’t Stopped Drinking”

  1. How does your husband feel about this? Are you friends and family supportive of your efforts to try and stop?

  2. lol… honestly not really. I mean no one is encouraging me to drink, but no one is exactly removing the bottle from my hand either. I guess most people realize how stubborn and hard-headed i am.

  3. 😦

    Why do you think your health issues haven’t scared you? You may have already mentioned this and I missed it, but have you thought about AA at all?

  4. Not really sure, to be honest. i guess i feel like it’s not a big deal, I just don’t want to stop yet. I gave up drinking for lent, and although it was an adjustment, I never felt out of control of it. But i suppose you’re right, when you know something is harmful to your health and you keep doing it, it might be time to get some help.

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