Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Saying Goodbye

It’s something i’ve never been good at.  I was the kid that cried at the end of the school year, because i wouldn’t see my friends all summer.  i hated the end of summer camp because i wouldn’t get to see the kids i’d known for 2 weeks any more.  I cried when tv shows I liked went off the air.  Cried at the end of a concert or two.  I say all this to say that loss and goodbyes really aren’t my thing.

As I’ve gotten older, and struggled to shed the “cry baby” nickname that i (rightfully) earned in my childhood, i learned to build walls to shield myself from my own emotions that often betray me.  The rationale was that if i didn’t let people in, they couldn’t hurt me.  I’ve used that tactic over the last 25 years or so, with varying levels of success.

But every now and then, someone slips in.  Someone gets close enough for me to genuinely care about them… and that’s what happened with my brother kenan.  To be fair, I hated him at first.  Thought he was arrogant, mean-spirited… and some other negative adjectives.  But as time went by, i realized that he was only half the asshole i originally thought he was (trust me that’s a compliment). 

As BJ will tell you, left to my own devices, I would be a hermit.  I’m not necessarily opposed to leaving the house, but the idea of trying to rustle up some folks to hang out with while i’m out TERRIFIES me.  So, i’d rather just stay in.  In the last three years or so, there is only one person who i have ever reached out to to hang out.  Kenan.  We never kicked it as often as i would like, but i always looked forward to seeing him.  We disagree on a lot of stuff (or at least he pretends to to piss me off), but truth be told, he’s one of my most favorite people.  And he’s leaving.

He’s one of the smartest people i know, so I’m not surprised about his business opportunity out west… but damned if it doesn’t hurt like hell.  I know we’ll keep in touch, and we’ll visit and hang out with him.  But there’s still a loss… a hole that’s gonna be left and likely won’t be filled.  I wish him the best though.  And i’ll try not to cry at the going away party… but he will be missed.

He will definitely be missed. 

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