Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Catching up…

I’m honestly not sure why I tend to stray away from this blog so much.  Part of the excitement of blogging for me is the idea that anyone in the world, whether they know me or not, can take a peek into the mundane and (often) boring place that is my life and perhaps find a bit of joy in the fact that they are going thru the same thing as SOMEONE else.  But lately, the “need” to blog has resurfaced so why not go ahead and tap back in.

In recent conversations with a really good friend, I realized that some fairly significant memories are missing for me.  Things that i recognize as crucial to who I am today I am simply unable to recall.  I understand why i have shut out certain memories so I’ve decided against trying hypnotherapy (seriously… the thought passed through my mind).  But at the same time, i really do enjoy having something to look back on to refresh my memories and to know what i was feeling about whatever was going on at the time.

One of my biggest fears is not being remembered when I’m gone.  I know people care about me and love me and all of that jazz, and i don’t *plan* to go anywhere.  BUT, perhaps because of my own personality, I often find myself fading into the background and avoiding recognition/acknowledgement… so how do i turn around and get upset when people don’t know me?  I’ve been trying to accept the life of an introvert.  It’s a task made infinitely worse by my well-meaning raging extrovert husband.

Some days I want to be bothered… other days I could sit in a room by myself quietly and be completely content.  That being said, there is never anything worse than being told to just man up and do XYZ, as if extrovertism (is that a word) is the only way to be.  I feel sorry for those that aren’t comfortable sitting around with their own thoughts or who can’t step back long enough to take everything in… there are benefits both to being in the center of things and sitting on the sidelines.  I’m not saying everyone has to do it my way, but it’d be great to just be made to feel like at least my thoughts/ways of doing things were “acceptable”.

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