The Light at the End of the Tunnel
5 days until Christmas… 10 days until my birthday… and (hopefully) 2-3 weeks before the Dictator heads home. Honestly, I still don’t believe it. When I’m being honest with myself I see the hurdles and obstacles that he has yet to overcome. Some days I imagine that he will just suddenly turn a corner and figure it all out. But on more realistic days I have to acknowledge that the damage to his lungs is indeed a real thing and it will likely take more time than I’d like to heal.
Either way, this part of the journey will be behind us soon. We’ve gotten the crib, the car seat will be purchased this weekend… We’re getting the house ready bit by bit… There’s a sense of urgency, relief, joy and fear, all packed into one.. Honestly it feels weird to be looking forward to this. It’s kind of like law school (that’s a ridiculous analogy i know)… but it’s like you spend all this time studying and trying to understand all these cases. you have exams along the way, but even after you “graduate” you still have this huge high stakes test waiting for you before you can really truly celebrate. So while i’m anxious for the Dictator to “graduate” and come home, the big test is when we’re here with him 24 hours a day, figuring things out on our own… you know like “normal” parents.
I’m still working on how i will maintain my identity when it comes to life with the Dictator. I’m searching high and low for a job that will allow me to truly be fulfilled on a professional level because that’s a huge deal for me. I’m finally getting back to looking to the future. After spending months just focusing on the day to day, it’s been nice to finally start to try to open myself back up. In so many ways this part of our life is just beginning, but there is so much other stuff that I am ready to put behind me and be done with.
Gangsta Mittens 
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