I will admit that I am not a big fan of the holidays. Besides taking away the focus on my birthday it always seems like the whole meaning is lost. People are depressed that they don’t have enough money to give gifts, people are depressed that they don’t get the gifts they want… and no one seems to realize how that’s just a huge pile of bullshit and media/advertising induced guilt that has NOTHING to do with the supposed meaning of Christmas. As for my birthday… just about every other person on earth can do that “week-long celebration leading up to my birthday” nonsense. me? no. shit is gonna close early on at least two of those days, won’t be open at all on one of those days, and people are going to be broke because they’ve gone into debt for an over-commercialized holiday, or they’ll be “resting up” to get drunk on NYE. So I would like to say a heart-felt “fcuk you” to my December 30th birthday.
All that aside, this Christmas is proving to be particularly difficult. A little more than 6 months ago, my dad died. Last Christmas, he wasn’t healthy, but he was living at home, celebrating Christmas with us as best he could. In some ways, his death was “easy” for me. He was sick. I knew he was dying. I knew it would happen soon. I said goodbye. Add to that the fact that he was such a shell of his former self, I knew that my “dad” as i knew him was gone and had been for some time. His death was just a formality and it meant the end of his suffering. What I wasn’t prepared for was how those feelings would pop up in other areas in my life. When something would make me think of my family as a whole and the pain of knowing he wouldn’t be there would become rather intense. Thanksgiving and Christmas are definitely those types of occasions. I’m hanging in there though. I know how important it is to him that we get together as a family and I won’t let him down.
So please, try to step away from the material aspect of this holiday, and make the most of the time you have with those you love.
Merry Christmas
Gangsta Mittens 