Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

My back is broken

Ok not “broken” but there’s a muscle issue. I went to the doctor this morning and after ruling out kidney problems he prescribed me some anti-inflammatory drugs and told me to take it easy. He also repeatedly looked me over and asked me about heart problems, diabetes related issues and told me i need to come in for a physical.

I need to lose weight. The pain i feel and the general unhappiness I’ve been experiencing would improve exponentially if I did that… so I will… as soon as my back stops hurting…

I don’t usually talk about this stuff… and i hate that it’s so close to Halloween but it’s been bothering me for awhile now and i said i wanted to do more to keep track of these kinds of things.

So ever since i was little i’ve felt fairly aware of presences. Not necessarily “ghosts” or “spirits” but just a heightened sense of awareness for energy around me. I attribute that to most of why i “hate” people. Too much energy annoys me and the more people i’m around, the harder it is to sort out. If I don’t like the energy or vibe that someone gives off, I’m out because I’m too sensitive to it and it’ll fuck me up in the long run.

At anyrate someone (or someone’s energy) is following me and i don’t know who it is. There’s a constant presence there and I’m not really sure how i feel about it. It’s not uncomfortable but it’s not pleasant either. It’s just there. I’ve thought about it alot and i’m not even sure where i picked up this energy. it was there before denver, but not in chicago… but not immediately after chicago.

That narrows it down to like a two and a half day period but i don’t think i went anywhere that i wouldn’t normally be. I know I probably sound like a damn weirdo and I wish i could make other people feel it. but i guess it’s just me. maybe it’s me trying to catch up with myself?

I’m not really stressing it for now. It’s just one more thing on my mind though. Kinda frustrating but until i figure out who it is and/or what they want, I might just have to deal with it.

not in a bloody way… but in that the top layer of skin is sliced and it hurts a little kind of way. I think it’d feel better if i put a band-aid on it, but it’s not bleeding so i can’t/won’t do that.

The past two weekends have been a blur. We went to Chicago last week for a party and to see some friends. It made me happy. I laff a lot more when i’m not in DC.

This weekend we headed to Denver. I was there on business but i dragged BJ along so we could catch Game 3 of the World Series. Friday night was the third annual team dinner at the Buckhorn Exchange. I had the yak and the ostrich… YUMMY. Both were quite delicious but the yak killed it. I also had some rattlesnake which was kinda eh. All in all the meal was great.

The people in Denver were amazingly nice. Friday we headed to a party after the dinner hosted by DJ Low Key. He’s a cool cat and probably as big a Pete Rock fan as me. He was djing at a rooftop party which was pretty cool. We slept thru most of Saturday but wound up at the Original Pancake House about 20 minutes before it closed. From there we went off in search of mountains… and couldn’t find them. I mean i googled, mapquested and everything else i could think of but we just couldn’t find those sons of bitches. So we went back to the room to nap some more (thin, dry air makes you thirsty and sleepy)and then headed to the game.
It ws cold. Plain and simple.
But the Red Sox won so i was happy.

We woke up at about 3am this morning to catch our 6am flight back to DC… too bad the plane didnt really leave until 9am 😦 Oops

I’m home safe and sound now, full of spaghetti and ready to go to sleep.

Today I was doing some research for the Admin Law Review and came across a database of newspapers. On a whim I looked up some newspaper articles about a friend who had shot this guy. It was the trial i was supposed to testify at. The trial at which I was threatened. His lawyer wanted to call me as a character witness. I didn’t even know what that meant back then. All I knew was that they said they would kill me/us if we testified. His lawyer wanted these two prep school graduates, these two college freshman to testify. She wanted these outstanding citizens to testify to how they were friends with the shooter. We were 18 and scared for our lives.

She never asked us our version of what happened. Never realized that we held the key to the self defense claim that she was using for her client. She never even believed her own client’s version of the events of 12/29/92. The detectives never asked either. It really wasn’t their place though. But I didn’t know he was getting railroaded. After the event, I wasn’t allowed to read the newspaper. I wasn’t really allowed to watch the news. If I did I would’ve known. I would’ve heard that the prosecutor was saying that i was with him, when the victim innocently said hi to me and that my friend.. a monster…. lashed out and viciously killed him. If I had known I would have told someone. I would’ve told them that as i sat at the table the victim came up to me and made lude comments. I would have said that as my friend walked past he said something to me. I would have mentioned how the victim chased after my friend and how everyone at the table agreed that the victim had been looking for a fight all night…

But i didn’t know and I didn’t speak up. And they didn’t do their job. And they didn’t ask. And now, some 15 yrs later, i feel guilty. But that’s the story of my life it seems. Looking back after the fact and wishing i had done something. I don’t know if those guys would have really killed us. It wasn’t a gamble i wanted to take. I don’t know why no one ever asked us what happened. It seems like a simple part of an investigation to talk to witnesses. I don’t know why life seemed to speed up so much after that. I don’t know so many things… Some things I want the answers to and some I’m trying to let go of. I just want to stop living with so many regrets. I think this may have been my wake up call.

We’ll see

That’s the new (to me) Pete Rock. He’s angry and rightfully so. I’m not really sure why Pete doesn’t get the respect he deserves, but he gets a little of the frustration off his chest now. I can’t wait to hear the new album. For now enjoy. And yes, he’s writing his own lyrics and doing a good job at it.

Enjoy, bitches.