Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Feb
03

Below is a rant of sorts about my feelings upon hearing that Subsoniq (a show on Sirius XM) was cancelled. I feel compelled to note that these are solely my thoughts. My words represent my feelings only and should not be construed as representative of the views of any of the former hosts on the show.
For more information on the cancellation and information on how you can help, please go to www.proghiphop.com

One of the things that I always loved about XM was that they seemed to understand that in order to be great, satellite radio had to do more than just play the music that you could get anywhere. The original idea was more than just “uncensored music on channels with no commercials”. It was about understanding music and why and how people listen to music. It was a music lovers wet dream. No matter how diverse or niche your tastes were, there was something for you. Depending on what you were into you may have had more to choose from, but there was always something.
During my first tour of duty i had nothing to do with the programming side. I was always in awe of the amount of talent and knowledge that the programmers had. I loved their energy and spirit and love for what they did. XM was all about finding different ways to bring people music and creating an experience that went beyond hearing your favorite song.
My second stint at XM brought me to the programming side, but i still wasn’t involved in music. I was curious about the on-air side of things, but still hated the way I sounded on the mic. I think i started off just kinda nagging KB and Doc about the show… asking what i could do to help behind the scenes… trying to be a part of a show that I loved so much. I would get guests here and there and the guys always found some way to pull me into the discussion and show their appreciation, and I love them dearly for it.
Time passed and i found myself on the mic more often than i had ever imagined. That’s not to say i was on there frequently, it’s just that i had sworn i would NEVER be on radio once i left college. But with Subsoniq it was easy… it was fun. I got to talk about the music i loved with people i genuinely like, play music that i knew the audience would appreciate, and help to promote artists who would otherwise have limited opportunities for exposure… and then there was talk of a merger.
I remember when it was completed, my then boyfriend didn’t see why i was so up in arms about the whole thing… told me i was over-reacting. i tried to explain about the loss of creativity… tried to explain the difference between sirius and xm… tried to explain it was more of a takeove than a merger and that everything was about to change… but i guess in a lot of ways at that time i was sounding more like Chicken Little than anything else.
And then it started happening… it felt like in the Simpsons movie… I was Grandpa running around yelling “EPA!!!” and suddenly the signs were becoming more clear. “EPA” came in the form of layoffs. “Spider pig” was the suits from NY. In they came with their siloh… and before you knew it the lake (xm) was full of shit.
I have always been vocal about my opinion of how XM has handled urban music. For most of my time at XM and later Sirius XM they NEVER had someone in charge of urban music that truly understood the music, and when they did, they refused to listen to that person. I have been saying for YEARS, that most of the decision makers are not familiar with urban music in general and rap music specifically.
It hurts me to see a platform that boasts 19 “rock” channels, only sees it fit to split 7 channels between hip hop and r&b. I mean there’s classic rock, alternative rock, 60s and 70s rock, 70s and 80s rock, acoustic rock, hairbands, heavy metal, jam bands, indie rock, to name a FEW… and for hip hop and r&b we get “old skool” hip hop and r&b, adult r&b, hip hop hits, r&b hits, uncut hip hop, and soul/motown. I have to wonder why the platform is not interested in breaking out the hip hop/r&b genre as much as they have with rock. Do they not know that black music is just as diverse? Is it money? Do they think that their subscriber base doesn’t care about urban music? I would love to sit down and speak to someone about the repeated bad decisions that they have made regarding black music, but alas, i worry that it will continue to fall on deaf ears.
I’ve clearly gone off on a tangent, but I say all that to say, I hope that this is not the end of the road for Subsoniq. The artists and the fans need an outlet like it. But honestly, if Subsoniq never finds its way back to the airwaves, I sincerely hope that the satellite radio guys are able to get a better understanding of black music. The gaping hole in the platform has been ignored for too long and it needs to be addressed by someone.

Jan
05

Your, you’re. To, too, two. Know, no. Its, it’s.

I am annoyed. Actually let me back up.

I enjoy communicating. Whether it be written or oral, I like to communicate with people. Effective communication is essential in so much of our daily lives… and yet, people fail at it over and over again.
We live in a society where many of us exist solely (or mostly) as words on the screen of someone miles away. That means that all they may see or know of you is what you type. Think about that for a second. Someone’s sole opinion may be based on the way you come across on their screen…. and yet, so many people fail to use proper grammer and punctuation. It annoys me and it frustrates me, and the fact that you’re “just talking to your friend” or “no one else minds it”, does NOT make it ok.
I want to be clear, I’m not talking about the difference between M dashes and N dashes and other somewhat obscure punctuation. Hell I’m not even talking about the proper usage of that vs. which. I mean simple things like the words above. Each has its own purpose… and people butcher it on the regular. Spellcheck won’t help you because you’re spelling it right… you’re just using it wrong.
Why does it seem like more and more people are missing this lesson? Are teachers not teaching it correctly? Between that and the improper use of apostrophes, I’m ready to give up on humanity all together.
Can we please work on written communication in 2010 folks? I think I’m gonna start sending emails back with strike-thrus and corrections.

Dec
09

Ok, first and foremost, this entry isn’t about drugs…. it’s about work…. go figure.

When i first started at XM I was AMAZED at that place. Surrounded by sooo many creative people. An environment that truly fostered and encouraged thinking outside of the box rather than merely preaching it. Back then they knew they had the most talented folks and so they gave them free reign of the place because the resulting product was so amazing. Back then we were reaching people who loved music as much as we did and it was quite amazing… and then it all went to shit. Well not to shit… but it got pretty damn bad. In the beginning i loved getting to work early and staying late. It didn’t matter, because i KNEW we were changing the world… or at least the radio world…

When the merger happened, morale sank and it stopped being fun. I admit that i stopped working as hard… didn’t want to be there as much… just wanted to do my part and get out. Many of the creative folks were gone and the days just dragged on. When i left i often thought/worried about the possibility that I would never feel that way again. I am happy to say that I may have worried needlessly.

My current job is NOTHING like what I was doing at XM. We don’t have performances and parties and get all the cool perks that I was used to.. but there is something to be said about being able to help people. I mean really help people. It’s an amazing feeling to say the least. Hopefully it’s the start of a fulfilling career.

Nov
24

Well… it’s that time where i’m supposed to move on to that next phase in life, but truthfully i feel a bit stagnant. See i have a nasty little habit… i’m an underachiever. Always have been. I like to get by on the minimum amount of work possible. The result is typically piss poor, which i only realize in hindsight… although i’ve been repeating this pattern for years. I have decided that i don’t want to be that person anymore… but now i’m worried that i don’t know how to snap out of my old ways. I’m starting to realize that there are a LOT of things that I want to do with my life, and at the rate i’m going, a lot of those dreams won’t come to fruition. The last thing i want is a life filled with regrets, and yet, that seems to be what i’m setting myself up for.

I didn’t pass the bar exam. I didn’t expect that I would, but when i was in there taking it, i realized that i could pass it. I knew that i had seen/heard all of the material before; i just didn’t take the time to properly commit it to memory. But that’s the Mittens’ way… but that has to stop. Quite frankly, i’m tired of the disappointment that comes along with being “that girl”. I want to achieve and succeed, and know that i worked hard on something and got the desired results. Not that i did the least i could do and managed to squeak by. But how to change the person you’ve been for like 34 years?

i dunno, but i plan to find out.

Nov
01

I will admit that I have been avoiding this blog. It’s not that i don’t have anything to say, it’s just that i don’t have any “good” news and it’s frustrating the hell out of me. I’m in a holding pattern for a job i really want… i should know something definite by the middle of this week, but the suspense is killing me. I’ve actually been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I’m a bit of a control freak (understatement) and this lack of income combined with painful boredom has left me extremely anxious. My sleep patterns are off. I toss and turn, wake up at odd hours… and i’m feeling just generally crappy. I’m clingy, emotional, and to be honest, i’m getting on my own nerves. Then there’s the side of me that can’t help but think about all that i could’ve/should’ve been doing with my “free” time… i’m just ready to move on to the next phase in my life.

I am also about 19 days away from my bar exam results… i’m pretty sure i failed. No that’s not some “prepare for the worst, but hope for the best nonsense”, that’s just legitimately how i feel. I freaked out and stopped studying about three weeks out… but i also went in and did my best, so really, it’s a toss up, but i’m preparing myself to retake it in Feb. I mention it though because it is yet another example of how things in my life are just in a holding pattern right now. It’s frustrating to say the least. I’d just like to get some closure on some things and begin to plot my next move.

All i can say at this point is that SOMETHING has got to give. things can’t continue on this path… hopefully i’ll have some exciting news to update with soon.

*crosses fingers*