I’m about to start a bit of a hellish travel schedule. I leave tomorrow for the A3C Festival in Atlanta. I have been wanting to go to A3C for years so I’m extremely excited, but this couldn’t have come at a worse time. I’ll be in Atl from Thursday to Sunday… but then I have to head straight to NY (Brooklyn to be exact), for a wedding. I’m seriously hoping for lots of sleep on the plane/train/etc. because i dunno how i’m gonna make it.
Pics and reviews soon come.
I feel like I’ve ranted about this before… my general hatred of quotes like “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”… I call bullshit on both of these. Plain and simple. That first one… really? Those are my options? Death or strength? What about the one that finally kills me? Guess I’m just supposed to be cool with that? And the more than you can handle? Isn’t that what being overwhelmed is all about? I mean i get it… you’re supposed to tell yourself that and draw strength and comfort from the fact that He will help you to pull thru… *looks at the camera* ummm… yeah ok.
If it isn’t obvious, I’m in a mood today. Not necessarily a “bad” mood, but a mood nonetheless. Maybe it’s melancholy or indifference… definitely a load of cynicism. I could probably blame it on the weather… seems like i haven’t seen the sun in a week… but i feel like that’s a cop out. i prefer to accept my emo-ness for what it is and just deal with it.
In other news… I’m heading to Atlanta for A3C next week. I’m amped. I get to see a bunch of folks that i haven’t seen since SXSW. I feel like i haven’t been to a live show in forever, and i like the idea that A3C is a little SXSW-ish. Definitely not as big… but multiple shows, multiple stages, etc. Hopefully I’ll get to take some pics while i’m in Atlanta too. I just know that i need to get away for a little while.
I couldn’t bring myself to take the meds on Monday. But i did take them today… *shrugs*
I mean i’ve had no side effects that I can see yet. I feel tired, but 3pm tiredness is normal for me. I’m still in pain, which makes sense cuz it isn’t a pain medicine. I kinda feel like i’m sitting at my desk waiting for something to pop off (figuratively). Hopefully, however, that won’t be the case.
Yes… i’m being EXTRA dramatic. I mean technically isn’t every day the start of the rest of your life? I always hated that saying, but that is neither here nor there.
So i’ll back up a bit. I’ve been aching something awful since at least February. At the insistence of a good friend, I finally went to the doctor. I had some blood work done and then went to see the specialist. I dunno when this practice started, but before i could see the real doctor, they send in the pre-doctor. She asked me a bunch of questions… did this hurt, did that hurt… etc. i tried repeatedly to explain that while something wasn’t hurting right now, it does hurt from time to time. She wasn’t hearing any of that. If it wasn’t hurting at that moment, then it was a no… after deciding that nothing hurt, she went to talk to the real doctor, who eventually came in and said that based on what they saw there was nothing she could do and that my symptoms weren’t consistent with anything she treated. She also said she wasn’t going to refer me for any blood work.
I politely explained that i had already had blood work done and asked what the results were. She said she had my results in front of her from March and that everything looked ok. I politely explained that i had had blood drawn the week before for the sole purpose of it being reviewed for this appointment. She said that she couldn’t find those results, but that it didn’t matter because the results she was looking at were less than 6 months old and therefore valid. I tried to point out that those tests were for a regular check-up and was waved off. She said that while she was sure that *something* was hurting that i should go see a specialist in fibromyalgia. I took the referral and left feeling worse than i did when i got there. I had been hoping that that appointment would lead to a definitive diagnosis, but no such luck.
That weekend I headed to San Fran for the Memory Walk. On a whim, I emailed my primary care physician and explained to him what had happened. I also told him that she never looked at my blood work. He promised to find the test results and follow up with her. Less than 24 hours later he emailed me back to tell me that she wanted me to come in for a follow-up.
To make an already long story somewhat short, she diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis… it’s actually what i thought i had all along. The disease isn’t foreign to me as my mom has it. I’m sad to say that I was further disappointed at my follow-up appointment when the doctor began telling me what medication she was putting me on before she ever “officially” told me what i had.
So now I take 4 pills once a week to help reverse the pattern of the disease.. side effects? well the main ones are that it impairs liver function (so no drinking), it’s damaging to a fetus (so no babies for now), and possible mouth ulcers… and this is stuff that i’m supposed to take forever?
Needless to say i’m looking for another doctor and another medication… As for the title of this post… I got my prescription filled… but i didn’t actually start taking the meds. It’s hard to come to grips with the idea that I will be taking these meds forever…. so, i haven’t started, but i will tomorrow.
The whole thing has me a little depressed to be honest, but i’m trying the best i can to cope.
After a year-long hiatus, I’m heading back to San Fran for the second time in 2 months. This trip is a little different from the previous trips because we’re heading west to participate in the Alzheimer’s Memory Walk. The purpose of the event is to raise money and awareness of the disease in an attempt to provide resources for the families of those with the illness and money for research into the causes and a cure for the disease.
Obviously, with what happened to my father this is a pretty big deal to me and I’m really looking forward to it. The only downside is that I’ve been in a LOT of pain as of late, and while the doctors have ruled out lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, there not sure of too much beyond that. It’s frustrating to say the least, but i’m happy about the things that have been ruled out.
Hopefully, I’ll be done packing so that i can get some rest tonight. It’d be nice to be awake for most of the flight, but i’m really not counting on it.
Gangsta Mittens 