Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Jan
04

Time

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I could sum up this blog with one sentence: Whether you think so or not, my time is valuable.

Growing up we were always that family that arrived late. I have countless friends who stroll in long after the agreed-upon arrival time and seem confused by my impatience and disdain. Perhaps it was the repeated chants of “on-time is late” (and subsequent push-ups and lap-running for being late) at band practice, or the sense of shame I felt when i arrived to functions late, but it’s not something that I have ever been comfortable with.

The fact of the matter is, being late is rude, and it basically sends a message that “you’re not important enough for me to keep my agreement to meet with you at a designated time. Now I understand that things happen. But really, we ALL understand that things happen, so those things should be taken into account. Like “i ran into traffic”… really? traffic at 8:30am on a weekday? I’m not shocked there’s traffic, so why didn’t you leave in enough time to factor in traffic? The only thing worse than the generic “oh i was held up because of XYZ” is the person who offers no explanation, but waltzes in and acts as if there’s nothing wrong.

I won’t sit here and say i’m always on time. But i typically text/call when I’m running late to give a heads up and acknowledge the value of the other person’s time. I think that maybe i should just stop waiting on people. I came up with this as i waited an hour and 15 minutes to be seen for my doctor’s appointment. maybe i need to institute my own grace period and let ppl know… if you’re not there within my grace period you will need to reschedule. Too many people are taking one another’s time for granted and it’s time for folks to start taking a stand.

Categorized in Pet Peeve

Jan
02

Happy New Year

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I don’t mean to be cliche and make the first post of the year about goals and whatnot, but that’s what’s on my mind at this moment. Regardless of the time of year, there are some changes that I need to make to my life and now is as god a time as any to get started.

First and foremost i eat like shit. I used to eat like three different fruits a day, some carrots, cottage cheese.. all that stuff… and then… nothing. It all just came crashing down. Now if it isn’t fried or loaded with butter and/or sugar, i don’t touch it. That has to come to an end. I see the effects of bad eating habits on my mom and I know that i need to do better. Being diagnosed with RA made me realize that there are some things that I will have to deal with no matter what, no need to compound that by eating.

Second, I need to exercise. While i know i need to lose weight, these first two things aren’t so much about weight loss as they are just adopting a healthy life style. As much as I want to believe I’ll be young forever, the reality is, if i don’t take care of myself I won’t be around as long as i’d like. I’m not gonna pretend that i’m going to be in the gym 4 days a week, but i will dust off the wii and just get moving.

Third, I need to study for and pass the California Bar Exam. I took it once and failed, but didn’t fail miserably. I shoulda hopped right back on the horse and taken it again, but I was scared. Now, it’s two years later and I’m going to try again. On the one hand I’m scared to death, I don’t know how I will deal with not passing a second time. In a lot of ways I’m disappointed with myself. I had the time and the opportunity to study my ass off and do well, and I didn’t. The “good” news is, the thing that messed me up is probably the easiest thing to correct. So hopefully, I’ll be able to get it together and make something happen.

Fourth, I need to make some decisions and move forward with them. Not really going to go into depth on this one. I just have some situations going on that i need to work thru. I’ve seen a side of myself the past few months that I’m not sure I like. I want the old Monica back, so I need to work on finding her.

Fifth, I need to make some strides in my finances. My job situation is relatively stable, and possibly improving. Now is the time for me to get rid of a lot of this debt and start to establish some sort of savings. I had honestly planned to cut up my credit cards for 2011, but I chickened out. For now i will have to settle for dropping them off at my mom’s house where i can’t get to them. i’m on track to have my federal student loans wiped out in a few (meaning 9.5) years, and to pay off the other loans ahead of schedule. I don’t mind carrying that debt around, but the credit card debt, and the lack of any real savings are things that i need to fix in order to have some piece of mind.

So yeah, i have the same goals as everyone else, and i’m ok with that. i know it will take time and effort, but i’m willing to do what i can to work on these. I’ll set a reminder to give an update on this in 6 months or so lol.

Happy New Year.

Categorized in Bar Exam and Goals

Dec
27

Birthday Week 2010

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Normally I’m extremely excited about my birthday week. It’s no secret that I love birthdays whether it’s mine or someone else’s. The idea that there’s a day to celebrate one’s own awesomeness is just magical to me lol. But this year i’m kinda not feeling it. On the one hand I’m glad to be around to see 35, but there’s so much “meh” stuff going on around me that it just sort of overshadows the entire thing. I’m doing all that i can to get into the spirit, but there’s a part of me that would love nothing more than to crawl under the covers and let 2010 just fade into the darkness.

Hopefully 2011 will be better.

Categorized in Life

Dec
16

I Haven’t Stopped Drinking

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I’m actually not sure why… well yes i know why… i don’t want to stop drinking. I like drinking. I suppose this type of behavior is a bit self-destructive… and yet it’s typical monica. In my mind, if i’m getting bloodwork done every 3 weeks or so, I’ll know before my liver is done… mmhmm… but if i can’t stop/ won’t stop now with the threat looming, what makes me think i’ll suddenly stop when the threat is more “real”?

The truth of the matter is I’m concerned about myself. I’m doing a lot of stuff i shouldn’t, and not enough of the stuff I’m supposed to do. I’m frustrated with myself and yet I’m not bothered enough to do better. Without sounding any alarms or anything I must say I’m just tired of trying. I just want to be healthy. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being sick. I want to go hang out with friends. I want to live without being reminded that i’m dying.

This is way more emo than i intended, but i just had to get some stuff out of my brain.

Categorized in Health and RA

Nov
06

Sober Day 6

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After a bunch of allergic reactions, laziness, and general denial, I am now officially on meds for the RA. As much as i hate having to take the meds, the hardest part by far is giving up drinking. It’s not that I have a drinking problem, it’s just that so much of my social interaction involves alcohol. It’s strange to go to hang out at a bar and order soda or juice, but none of that is worth messing up my liver so i guess that’s my trade-off. Booze 0, Liver 1.

I’m really at a loss for words at the verdict of the trial of the police officer who killed Oscar Grant (an unarmed, 22 year old black man) on a BART platform… involuntary manslaughter. 2 yrs. I really try not to be that person who pulls the race card all willy-nilly… but when the judge in the case tells the family of the victim that a crime couldn’t possibly be racially motivated because the President is Black… stuff like that just makes me angry… and sad… but mostly angry.

There’s more that i want to say, but honestly my mind is a mess with entirely too much going on inside that small space, so I think i’ll just end it here.

Categorized in Health, Oakland and RA

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