Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

Nov
24

Now What?

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Well… it’s that time where i’m supposed to move on to that next phase in life, but truthfully i feel a bit stagnant. See i have a nasty little habit… i’m an underachiever. Always have been. I like to get by on the minimum amount of work possible. The result is typically piss poor, which i only realize in hindsight… although i’ve been repeating this pattern for years. I have decided that i don’t want to be that person anymore… but now i’m worried that i don’t know how to snap out of my old ways. I’m starting to realize that there are a LOT of things that I want to do with my life, and at the rate i’m going, a lot of those dreams won’t come to fruition. The last thing i want is a life filled with regrets, and yet, that seems to be what i’m setting myself up for.

I didn’t pass the bar exam. I didn’t expect that I would, but when i was in there taking it, i realized that i could pass it. I knew that i had seen/heard all of the material before; i just didn’t take the time to properly commit it to memory. But that’s the Mittens’ way… but that has to stop. Quite frankly, i’m tired of the disappointment that comes along with being “that girl”. I want to achieve and succeed, and know that i worked hard on something and got the desired results. Not that i did the least i could do and managed to squeak by. But how to change the person you’ve been for like 34 years?

i dunno, but i plan to find out.

Categorized in Bar Exam, Goals and Growth

Nov
01

Confession…

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I will admit that I have been avoiding this blog. It’s not that i don’t have anything to say, it’s just that i don’t have any “good” news and it’s frustrating the hell out of me. I’m in a holding pattern for a job i really want… i should know something definite by the middle of this week, but the suspense is killing me. I’ve actually been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I’m a bit of a control freak (understatement) and this lack of income combined with painful boredom has left me extremely anxious. My sleep patterns are off. I toss and turn, wake up at odd hours… and i’m feeling just generally crappy. I’m clingy, emotional, and to be honest, i’m getting on my own nerves. Then there’s the side of me that can’t help but think about all that i could’ve/should’ve been doing with my “free” time… i’m just ready to move on to the next phase in my life.

I am also about 19 days away from my bar exam results… i’m pretty sure i failed. No that’s not some “prepare for the worst, but hope for the best nonsense”, that’s just legitimately how i feel. I freaked out and stopped studying about three weeks out… but i also went in and did my best, so really, it’s a toss up, but i’m preparing myself to retake it in Feb. I mention it though because it is yet another example of how things in my life are just in a holding pattern right now. It’s frustrating to say the least. I’d just like to get some closure on some things and begin to plot my next move.

All i can say at this point is that SOMETHING has got to give. things can’t continue on this path… hopefully i’ll have some exciting news to update with soon.

*crosses fingers*

Categorized in Bar Exam, Goals, Growth, Job Search, Life and work

Oct
19

Something has got to give

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When I quit my job back in April, i had a plan… well kind of. i mean i knew what i needed to do for the next few months, and i knew that once that was over, i would be seriously looking for full time work. I can honestly say that I did my part. Unfortunately the “wildcard” was locating a company to hire me. I think my first clue came when I started looking for jobs to apply to and just couldn’t find much. i mean there really weren’t many jobs that i was interested in. I knew i wasn’t at the point where i had to apply to every job and take the first thing I found, but I also knew i didn’t want to get to that point.
Typically a law student would do document review while they waited for their bar exam results, but even that type of work was sparse. So, here I am… 6 months since I quit, 3 months since i’ve been *really* looking… and I”m still unemployed. I have a really good lead and i’m hoping that it materializes… but lord knows, this wait is a killer.
I’m doing my best to stay positive, but lord knows it gets a little tougher everyday. Hopefully, I’ll have some good news soon.

Categorized in Bar Exam and Job Search

Sep
08

Frustration

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I am unemployed. I be frustrated. I am… I be…

I have been “officially” unemployed for about 4 months now. Now granted for the first three months or so i was consumed with the madness that is the bar exam but now, I have been officially looking for about a month and i am bored, and frustrated. I’m one of those people that just has to be doing something. Whether it’s working or school or studying I need to be busy. Unemployment is TORTURE. Add to that the fact that i have absolutely NO income coming in and well… that leads to frustrated mittens.

I have been trying to think outside the unemployment box. I try to avoid the sites that everyone else uses since I know those companies are sorting thru HUNDREDS of resumes everyday. I have been applying to like every single government agency known to man, but they take like a year to make a hire, so in the meantime i’m looking for someone who can hire me to start tomorrow.

I’m tryin to stay positive, but the truth of the matter is, it’s not looking good. I truly believe that things will look up, i’m just hoping it’s sooner rather than later.

Categorized in Uncategorized

Aug
22

Moving On

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Since I decided i wanted to be an actress back in 5th grade I’ve had dreams of leaving DC. Ideally I would be discovered in a commercial and my mom and I would move to NY during the week so that I could do interviews and film. After about a year, I’d pulling in enough to move the family to LA so that I could do more work. Those were the dreams of my then 10-year old mind. Needless to say, that never really popped off… but since 1985 I’ve sworn that I would make it out of this city. To be fair, DC was a TERRIBLE place in the mid-80s. Lots of drugs and violence. In so many ways this city has changed and yet in so many ways it has remained the same.

To be clear, I love my city, and i’ll argue anyone who feels otherwise. But as someone who has seen DC go from war zone to a gentrified mess I definitely have some strong feelings… but this blog isn’t about that. This blog is about me getting out of DC… problem is, right now I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m unemployed… bored out of my mind. Now is probably the perfect time to pick up and start over, but the economy isn’t exactly on my side right now… i say “my” but really i guess i should say “our”. Not exactly like i’m making moves on my own these days. I’m applying for jobs in NY and CA, but the truth of the matter is, somewhere along the way, I fell in love with DC. Maybe it’s just the familiarity. I was never really one to hang out and kick it that much in the city, but as i’ve gotten older and explored a bit I realize that there are some gems here. As much as i hate the displacement of long-time residents by the gentrification efforts, i can’t say that i haven’t taken advantage of the new nightlife and restaurant offerings. I guess I still would like to get away from here for awhile, I think i’d have a huge regret looming over my head if i didn’t get away for a bit, but i’m not sure if now is really the time to go.
This is a big period of transition for me, and truth be told, i dont feel like i’m doing too good of a job. I feel stagnant. I feel like i should be growing, but it’s still way more comfortable to keep doing what i’ve always done all along.
I’m rambling I know so i guess I’ll try to wrap this all up with this: I want to leave DC, and i’ve been trying to for a long time, but as usual I’m afraid of change and might sacrifice that dream for the sake of sticking with what’s comfortable. bleh… it sucks when i phrase it like that. I think i’m going to stick to my random train of thought method from here on out.

Categorized in Childhood, DC, Dreams, Goals, Growth, Life, New York CIty and San Francisco

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