Gangsta Mittens
Words combined to express thoughts. Pictures displayed to convey emotion. Opening my brain to the world.

So I finally got the official run down of what has happened so far from my mom…

First, I have a correction, he went two weeks without eating, not three. So my mother has called my dad’s physician throughout the last two weeks to express concern over the fact that all the man eats is applesauce and drinks Ensure. The doctor tells her that as long as he’s drinking ensure, he’s fine… Last night my mom called again to say she wanted someone to look at him. They again tried to brush her off. She said enough is enough and insisted… upon arrival they took one look at him and realized how sick he was.

After having several nurses question why she wouldn’t feed him they finally began giving him an IV. So far the docs have said that he has kidney failure and he was given a blood transfusion this morning because his white blood cell count is so off.

I’m pissed that the doctor brushed off my mother and her concern but i’m even more pissed that someone would ask her why she “wouldn’t” feed him… as if she was withholding food from him for some reason. My mother is an extremely dedicated caregiver and I can only imagine how crushed she was to be accused of such things.

For now my dad is in the ICU. I told my mom to just sleep. He is receiving the best care possible right now and the best thing for her to do is to just get some sleep since she doesn’t when he’s in the house. I hope they keep him for a couple of days 1) to stabilize him and build his body back up and 2) to give my mother a chance to recuperate. I’m just glad she finally stopped listening to the doctor.

Kidney Failure

I don’t even know what i mean…

My thoughts are all over the place so bear with me…

Over the past week I have gone with my mom to see three nursing homes for my dad. I knew it would get to this point but i’m so angry with my mother… not angry frustrated. Things started going downhill with my parents’ health when I was in college back in the mid to late 90s. It was then that my mom developed a bad habit of keeping things from me. She decided that I was too busy/focused to be “bothered” with their health woes. The result is that I came home and everything was entirely different.

My dad is now very sick… and my mom isn’t doing so good either. She doesn’t realize that she is starting to have issues with day to day things and she just isn’t making good decisions. Maybe it’s because she’s so tired from looking after my dad. Maybe it’s because she’s getting older. I don’t know what it is, but this downplaying of what is going on has got to stop. I listened to her tell a lady at a nursing home that my dad has lost “a little bit of weight”… this man has not eaten a real meal in weeks. THREE WEEKS… He is skin and bones. She’s overwhelmed and I know this, but i hate to think that they are going thru this. These are the people that have done everything for me and watching this happen is beyond painful.

I think it’s about time i make my way back to the therapist. I’m so far past “emo” these days… trying to reach out to friends to hold on to those I care about because i feel so out of control of it all.  I’m at a loss.  I don’t know how to fix everything that’s going on… ppl I thought i could count on to be there for me or at least provide some sort of distraction have pushed me away… or maybe it’s me pushing myself away… did i mention my brain is all over the place?  I’m waiting to hear what hospital they’re admitting my father into… i have an exam i need to take tomorrow.  I just need to hold it together for one more day.

Please pray for me and my family…  it’s rough.